Nightmare

I look for you in every new person I meet
I still see your back turned to me in tears
hurrying away through the slightly opened door

every chance to begin afresh
feels like an atonement for the past
but the past seems unforgivable
never dying
resurrecting and resurfacing to haunt me

I keep stretching my arms
hoping you’ll come back
even if in a different person
in a new chance to begin again
but I keep clutching dust floating in the winds

you’ve become a mirage
some sort of nightmare that refuses to heal