Impatience. My weakness. And that tough evil weed keep popping up in my backyard. I know they’ll germinate again, like knowing robbers are coming to your house, and yet there’s nothing that can be done to stop them.
The ideal thing when beginning a new relationship is to begin quietly, and let things develop at their natural rhythm. Not spraying romance with impulsive behavior with the hopes of getting fruits of love to ripen prematurely when leaving their fate to nature seems slow.
When you’re from a Christian background, things can get complicated, especially if those in that background are deeply spiritual. Many think one mustn’t take time to know one’s preferences when it comes to choosing a life partner. All you have to do is pray, get a name from a vision, dream or divine voice… and balm! Find some respectable people to help you make your case to this partner . The few months that follow are for preparing for the grand wedding.
How well these two individuals manage their conflicts does not matter. Whether their pasts, mindsets and perspectives on many issues in life can be reconciled do not matter. It’s a marriage made in heaven, and nothing on earth can break it, they believe.
But you and I see broken pieces of many of such marriages scattered all over our neighborhoods…And the broken pieces stink!
But like I keep saying, people do not appreciate the truth. God is supremely powerful, yet He forces no one to do anything. He guides, He directs, He can show the way, but He is also open to hearing why one feels a particular path is not meant for them, and I believe He respects a person’s decision.
I remember before I started my master’s program, I told my date that I have seem many gentlemen who promised marriages that never came after eight, nine, ten years of relationship. And I feel it isn’t fair to tie a woman down for so long while better opportunities pass her by. To avoid this mistake, at any point I feel uncertain about my choice, I want to communicate my uncertainty to my partner. If I am no longer interested, I want to communicate that as respectfully as I can. And if I am sincerely madly in love, I want that to be very clear. Instead of wasting a young lady’s life and time.
And so I told her to stay open for other potential dates, to not bank her hopes on me, as I can’t tell what will happen when I leave for school. The real reason was that she had given me reasons to doubt her integrity moths into the relationship, and I was beginning to ask myself many questions. She did not appreciate my honesty. Of course, I know these kinds of truth are hard to swallow.
My biggest mistake was that parents were involved too early. I believe a relationship should be just between two partners in its onset, then when things get serious, other people who must be informed come into the picture. It has always been my stance, but impatience and foolishness have made it hard to practice.
Which is why I am back to where I began. Sometimes in life you have to reset, refocus, re-adjust many times before making a sensible headway. It’s unfortunate that in the course of this re-adjustment, many get hurt.
In the middle of term papers, I have to juggle many personal problems that are draining me emotionally and still keep my cool.
Right now, I’ve run out of every cooling agent. And temperature is rising.
Oh this life! If ever I get the chance to start all over again, so many things I will do differently …
Diary of a Wanderer 
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