I munch food noisily. Not deliberately. Naturally. I did not know this. I’ve been living alone and I had never paid attention. Until I found myself at a dinner, in the midst of respectable people, with no music to mask anything.

The discovery was embarrassing. There and then I had to practice eating in a civilized manner: slowly, a little at a time.

As for the use of cutlery, all I remember was what a textbook said about one for the right hand and the other for the left. Wasn’t sure which was for the fork and which hand took the knife. But using common sense, I figured the spoon always went to the right hand.

At a dinner, my secret was to not be in a hurry to eat so  I get to watch from a distance the proper order for knife and fork, these where the tricky blend.
Learning to eat in a civilized manner increased the time it now took to finish a meal and honestly, the food didn’t taste as juicy as when I ate “naturally”.

But now that I am single, if I do not learn to work on these ugly parts, how do I learn to live with a partner? I might kill the love with my immaturity.

As I think about these things, I realize so many other things I need to work on. How I smell. Kind of clothes I wear, and their combinations. Hair and nails that needs constant trimming.

All this while, I’ve been keeping a very low haircut. This lengthens the interval between one haircut and the next. Good for shallow pockets. Good for my finances.

But now, all that had to change. It’s important to prioritize looking good. Good things require sacrifices.

And that reminds me of the first time I bought a new pair of clothes in a long while. Sportswear. When I put them on, I felt so good. They felt so good that the following month I used up a chunk of my salary to buy fine clothing.

Certainly, I will get there one day. For now it’s one faltering step after the other while  I still feel comfortable hiding to eat alone, comfortable in my messy room, comfortable with old habits that lead no where.

It’s strange how bad things can sometimes feel good.