The road to Damascus -page 7

Finally, I get to campus. And just as I predicted, our presentation was a disaster.

I think of great football teams. They don’t win every match they play. But the good and bad days add to the collection of memories that unite them, and serve as reservoirs of hope and lessons for the future.

After lectures, I take a seat under a tree not far from our department, watching coursemates experimenting with poses for group pictures. I fake a smile when any of them smile at me. Inside, my mind was racing for solutions to my problems.

I keep staring at them, but my mind is far. I am thinking of a part-time job I recently took up. Before I took the home tutoring job, I could live comfortably on a small amount of money for weeks. Now, I earned more than four times what I used to live on for a month and yet I go broke in the last week of every month. It didn’t make any sense.

But upon careful analysis, I realize how the cost of transport and additional feeding due to the fatigue of getting to the workplace was eating into my earnings, my energy, peace of mind and time for my studies. I now realize a mistake I’ve been making over the years: jumping to accept promising offers without adequate consideration. I now see the wisdom in telling a person to give you more time to think about a proposition even if you already have the answer in mind. This gives you time to seek counsel from others before preceeding.

Now what do I do? Quit the job?

Here I was, finely dressed, looking sane, but deep inside, all wasn’t well, and sadly, no one could see. It makes me wonder if I’ve been a failure, especially in nurturing useful friendships. Perhaps, if I had built strategic relationships, I would have had a thousand and one friends to come to my aid during times like these. But I also know many  that people I have been there for who let me down when I needed them. Would my cultivation of “strategic friendships” have paid off?

The thought of quitting my current job brings back haunting memories. I once taught a little girl and her brother at home, and they grew so attached to me. Then one day, I was going through a lot of emotional stress mingled with immaturity and miscalculations and envy and God knows what else, I just texted their mom that I couldn’t continue again. She called me several times, but I was too dumb to pick up and explain in a courteous manner to her that I was sorry I had to end a very cordial relationship, and perhaps promise to stay in touch to keep checking up on the two adorable kids.

That insane move has been haunting me though it happened several years ago, and I have vowed never to repeat such a stupid act. I have decided to leave every workplace on a good note, for you never know tomorrow.